i have a real tough question. im in a relationship ryt now 4 like a yr. we are long distance relationship and to tell you, yes it is hard. i am 16 years old and my bf is also the same age as mine. yes i know you myt think im 2 young to be soo serious. but its really hard for me to just leave it all behind. this relationship is very imprtant to me and it chnged my life a lot. thnks to him. we dnt see each other much often as normal. i now live in japan and he is in the philippines. i am soo deprssd right cos i cant deal with argumnts, pains, nid of his touch, and sumtyms horniness. im scared of him whenever he gets mad at me, thats how he is when he is stress and depress. i know he is. so i learn to cope up with his illness. but what ab8 me? sumtyms i wnt him to undrstand that not always i can help him, dat sumtyms i nid sum1 2 treat me like a baby. i knw he can. but sumtyms the pain insyd me jst wnt go away. i kept on rmmbring it the othr day. its like i jst kip it. i need help pls :(Depressions in long distance relationship?
Long distance relationships are hard to begin with, but in your situation you have so many things going against it.
The one thing that stand out is, even at a long distance you are afraid of him when he gets mad. – not a good sign of things to come when/if you guys get together in person.
If he has problems he needs to get help in medication counseling and not take it out on you (or others)
Also…
Relationships need to be equal. If you help him and take care of him at times. He needs to be able to do the same for you when you need it.
Also…
I believe you can have serious feelings at your age - but your age is going to be part of the problem since neither of you have the ability to earn a lot of money , travel freely back and forth to see each other or move to be with each other. – So you are looking at 2 more years until you are 18 and have the ability to be out on your own (and with him if you chose)
So.. Unless he gets help for his depression/anger, Unless he is able to take care of you and treat you as you treat him, and Unless you can wait for 2 more years (all of which is a LOT to overcome) – this is not a good relationship for you.
Sorry, I know that’s not what you want to hear. But I think from what you said, “sumtyms the pain insyd me jst wnt go away. i kept on rmmbring it the othr day. its like i jst kip it.” -- You know this too.Depressions in long distance relationship?
Wow...this is really not the place for text speak...or whatever that was.
As to your question:
Does your BF have depression issues? A mental illness like bipolar or anything? If so, encourage him to get help for it. If he refuses, get out of the ';relationship.'; It's not healthy for you at all. You should not be afraid of your BF. I am concerned for your well-being.
As you said, there is not much you can do from so far away. You are a bit too young to be so serious since you can't just up and go visit him. Long-distance can work, but you have to be able to visit once in a while. Otherwise, it's just too hard.
I know exactly what your going through...I just broke up with my boyfriend of a year, and we lived fairly far from each other...and he had anger problems. Every time he would freak out on me, I wouldn't know what to do. That is the reason we just ended our relationship, its because i was scared of what could happen in the future. Those kind of people never change...I suggest you move on hun.. Yes it will be tough, its still tough for me even though I don't really love him that much anymore, but there are soo many people out there that will always respect you!
Good luck!
Melonie--
Friday, August 20, 2010
Long distance relationship advice?
My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship.
We've been dating for over 2 years, and at the beginning of September he left for college.
I drove down to visit him over a weekend in mid-October.
The week or so before I saw him I started to feel distant from him emotionally, but once I saw him, everything was fine and was until this week. I'm starting to feel distant again. We talk just about every night, and I don't understand why I feel this way.
Maybe because it's not the same as him being here talking to me face to face. I'm not sure.
But I don't know how to deal with this feeling.
Some days I feel like complete crap, but I'm not willing to break this off.
I see him in a bit less than three weeks, so it's not too much longer, but I don't know how to cope right now.
I keep myself busy-- I have a heavy school schedule, college applications, meetings to go to, orchestra and marching band rehearsals, projects, and a lot of individual writing that I do.
What else can I do to feel better about this?Long distance relationship advice?
Now that he's in college and will be there for four years, trying to keep up this relationship, will me nigh on impossible.
Even though you are keeping in touch, as you have found out, it's only working when you are with each other. That's what relationships are all about, spending real time with each other.
What you have now, is basically a pen pal, or just a friend. It lacks the closeness you need. That's one reason for the distances you are feeling.
I think, you two should decide to see other people while he's so far away. You can't go four years, and only go out together or holidays or breaks, that's being unrealistic.
Slowly but surely, you two will drift apart as you seem to be doing already. Even with your heavy schedule, it's not doing much good for you.
So next time you meet with him, have a long talk and tell him how you feel, I'm sure he's feeling the same. So although dating others is taking a risk, that you may find someone else you care for more, at least you will be living your life, and not just holed up in your room.
That's why most long distance relationships, rarely work.Long distance relationship advice?
From my point of view of being a guy
Well I would just tell you to weigh out you options and think about them carefully. Do you really like him as much as you say you do? Does he make an effort to contact you and ask you how u feel about your long distance relationship? Do you think that your relationship can last even though its long distance? Personally I put my happiness before anyone unless I really love the person. Well hope this helped.
i have never been in a long distance relationship!!!! i will tell you to just calm down if you have had sex with him it will explain that feeling. I am sorry you feel this way. just try to keep busy. try to keep yourself going and just tell him everyday how much you love him and tell him how you feel!!!!!
We've been dating for over 2 years, and at the beginning of September he left for college.
I drove down to visit him over a weekend in mid-October.
The week or so before I saw him I started to feel distant from him emotionally, but once I saw him, everything was fine and was until this week. I'm starting to feel distant again. We talk just about every night, and I don't understand why I feel this way.
Maybe because it's not the same as him being here talking to me face to face. I'm not sure.
But I don't know how to deal with this feeling.
Some days I feel like complete crap, but I'm not willing to break this off.
I see him in a bit less than three weeks, so it's not too much longer, but I don't know how to cope right now.
I keep myself busy-- I have a heavy school schedule, college applications, meetings to go to, orchestra and marching band rehearsals, projects, and a lot of individual writing that I do.
What else can I do to feel better about this?Long distance relationship advice?
Now that he's in college and will be there for four years, trying to keep up this relationship, will me nigh on impossible.
Even though you are keeping in touch, as you have found out, it's only working when you are with each other. That's what relationships are all about, spending real time with each other.
What you have now, is basically a pen pal, or just a friend. It lacks the closeness you need. That's one reason for the distances you are feeling.
I think, you two should decide to see other people while he's so far away. You can't go four years, and only go out together or holidays or breaks, that's being unrealistic.
Slowly but surely, you two will drift apart as you seem to be doing already. Even with your heavy schedule, it's not doing much good for you.
So next time you meet with him, have a long talk and tell him how you feel, I'm sure he's feeling the same. So although dating others is taking a risk, that you may find someone else you care for more, at least you will be living your life, and not just holed up in your room.
That's why most long distance relationships, rarely work.Long distance relationship advice?
From my point of view of being a guy
Well I would just tell you to weigh out you options and think about them carefully. Do you really like him as much as you say you do? Does he make an effort to contact you and ask you how u feel about your long distance relationship? Do you think that your relationship can last even though its long distance? Personally I put my happiness before anyone unless I really love the person. Well hope this helped.
i have never been in a long distance relationship!!!! i will tell you to just calm down if you have had sex with him it will explain that feeling. I am sorry you feel this way. just try to keep busy. try to keep yourself going and just tell him everyday how much you love him and tell him how you feel!!!!!
Long Distance Relationship Advice ?
Ok so I've been in a long distance relationship for over 3months and its great really :) he is like no other guy ive ever met we already have told each other we love each other and stuff.. anyways its great but im kinda iffy on the situation, in june he is coming to stay with me for a month then in August or so im going to stay with him.. I just want advice really on how to deal with stuff like not seeing each other,not always having time to talk for a long time and any advice really... we're 18 and going to college soon im kinda worried we might not make it through all that we've talked about living together in the future but idk.. advice please :) I know im young but we've already agreed we want to be together so ya never know we could end up married one day lol.Long Distance Relationship Advice ?
There is no way his relationship will survive all through your college years and until you are in careers unless you move to at least the same city. If you really love eachother its worth making some tough choices here.Long Distance Relationship Advice ?
its hard to have a long distance relationship in college.. many of them dont work..i dont have any advice..whatever happens happens for a reason..just go with the flow i guess..good luck
There is no way his relationship will survive all through your college years and until you are in careers unless you move to at least the same city. If you really love eachother its worth making some tough choices here.Long Distance Relationship Advice ?
its hard to have a long distance relationship in college.. many of them dont work..i dont have any advice..whatever happens happens for a reason..just go with the flow i guess..good luck
Long distance relationship advice? anyone out there who's done it?
i have a long distance girlfriend right now. i've had her for 4 going on 5 months, and things are going great! we both love each other very much, and would do anything for each other. but there's always the question about the future... so i'm asking you guys. is there anyone out there that's been in my situation with a long distance relationship, and made it work in the end? i know there's plenty of people out there who've done it, i'm just looking for advice. how do you deal with those times when you miss the crap out of the other person? how often did you get to see each other? how'd you make it work so that you can finally be together one day? i wish i could give you more than 10 points for an answer that answers all those questions, but it's the best i can do. thank you so so so much!!!Long distance relationship advice? anyone out there who's done it?
You sound like an extremely sweet and loving man. And I am only 16 years old but I have some things to tell you with my experience. You can do anything. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't last in a long distance relationship. I started dating my first and only boyfriend online, I met him in a chat room 4 years ago when I was 12 years old. He was 15 at the time and now he's 18. We have been together for four years now, haven't ever met yet. I talk to his parents, I talk to his brother, I talk to them all online and see them all on webcam. I'm so close to his family even though I haven't even met them in real life yet. His name is Chris, And we've had our struggles, hard times. We've almost broke up, but we just couldn't do it. And let me tell you, When I was 12 I approached my mom and told her about how I was in the long distance relationship and she laughed in my face and told me it'd never work out, And today I'm happier than ever. I live in the United States, He lives in Canada. I'm going to FINALLY go live with my boyfriend on January 20th, 2010. =] You can do anything, Don't ever let people say your relationship won't work because love has No distance. I hope what I've told you is semi-inspiring. I don't know about you but I'm strict over my boyfriend and he's strict over me. I know the feelings you may have, of how much you want to see that person and sometimes it feels like it's hard to wait but trust me everything pays off for you in the end with patience and love. So far I've made it, and I know you can too. Now that I'm 16, it's legal age down there and luckily I have a supportive, loving mom. I recently go my passport and it came in the mail so I'm all set. I've packed some things already (: I think that when someone makes a long distance relationship last, that really means something....Those are the most inspiring things to hear. Just don't give up okay? There's been times when I've thought about giving up but this is my blessing and I don't know what I'd do without it.. Always remember, You two WILL be together one day and you WILL share all your special moments with her. Need more advice I would love to tell. I would say good luck but you don't need it, you're on the track just don't give up on love because love doesn't walk away, the people do.Long distance relationship advice? anyone out there who's done it?
99.4 % of the time they fail, its not worth it
You sound like an extremely sweet and loving man. And I am only 16 years old but I have some things to tell you with my experience. You can do anything. Don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't last in a long distance relationship. I started dating my first and only boyfriend online, I met him in a chat room 4 years ago when I was 12 years old. He was 15 at the time and now he's 18. We have been together for four years now, haven't ever met yet. I talk to his parents, I talk to his brother, I talk to them all online and see them all on webcam. I'm so close to his family even though I haven't even met them in real life yet. His name is Chris, And we've had our struggles, hard times. We've almost broke up, but we just couldn't do it. And let me tell you, When I was 12 I approached my mom and told her about how I was in the long distance relationship and she laughed in my face and told me it'd never work out, And today I'm happier than ever. I live in the United States, He lives in Canada. I'm going to FINALLY go live with my boyfriend on January 20th, 2010. =] You can do anything, Don't ever let people say your relationship won't work because love has No distance. I hope what I've told you is semi-inspiring. I don't know about you but I'm strict over my boyfriend and he's strict over me. I know the feelings you may have, of how much you want to see that person and sometimes it feels like it's hard to wait but trust me everything pays off for you in the end with patience and love. So far I've made it, and I know you can too. Now that I'm 16, it's legal age down there and luckily I have a supportive, loving mom. I recently go my passport and it came in the mail so I'm all set. I've packed some things already (: I think that when someone makes a long distance relationship last, that really means something....Those are the most inspiring things to hear. Just don't give up okay? There's been times when I've thought about giving up but this is my blessing and I don't know what I'd do without it.. Always remember, You two WILL be together one day and you WILL share all your special moments with her. Need more advice I would love to tell. I would say good luck but you don't need it, you're on the track just don't give up on love because love doesn't walk away, the people do.Long distance relationship advice? anyone out there who's done it?
99.4 % of the time they fail, its not worth it
Long-distance relationship...?
me n him (w/e we are at the moment) were in a long-distance relationship for about 2 months. last night he broke up with me because he says he doesnt feel the same towards me as he did before. ive been going thru a transition lately and he was there for me, we were really close friends before we started going out. he wants us to take a break, still be friends and go on with our previous plans of him coming over this summer. he wants to spend more time with me in person to see if we still have that initial chemistry. im really hurt and angry, even though i kinda understand where hes coming from. still i dont think i could deal with being just friends with him, knowing how we feel about each other(he assures me he still loves me but didnt want to keep pretending like nothing was wrong when he was feeling this way) i dont know what to do, i still love him so much :'(Long-distance relationship...?
Move on. Anyone who dumps you and says they don't feel the same towards you isn't worth keeping as a friend. He doesn't love you-- people who love don't dump the person they claim to love.Long-distance relationship...?
As the saying goes, ';If you truly love someone, let them go. If he/she returns, then you were meant to be. If he/she doesn't return, let them go - for they were never yours to begin with.'; In order to be a good couple, you must be good individuals. And if you know yourself well enough, then you'll discover that A) He's the one for you and you should just wait for him to discover that on his own, or B) You deserve better because someone that claims he loves you shouldn't have left in the first place. Good luck!
Don't do it! It is painful but if you love someone set them free if it is meant to be they will return back to me. Best of Luck.
as much as this is hurting you right now, you need to go with it and begin the healing process. the majority of long-distance relationships fail because it's just too much pressure on those involved. also, if you become more accepting %26amp; understanding, you will have a stronger likelihood of getting back together with him at some point in the future if there is any possibility of resurrecting the relationship. if you continue to resist, he may begin to resent you for not respecting him and his wishes.
if it's truly meant to be, there isn't anything in the world that can keep the two of you apart. if it isn't meant to be, why would you want to waste your time with someone that isn't meant for you?
GOOD LUCK!!!
Hmmmm...if he broke up with you last night explaining that he doesn't feel for you what he was feeling before....I really see no reason why he should come over this Summer and spend some time with you...He just dumped you because he's obviously not into you! So, why are you still there for him? Friends? Who wants to be his friend anyway!!!...Just tell him that since he left you, it's obviously over, so you'd rather call it all off (friendship included) and leave him behind for good.
If he loves you, he'll come back.
My best friend had a 9 month long distance relationship with her boyfriend he came back and everything was fine they just continued where they left off. My best friends when they were apart they gained a lot of independence. So when he came back it was different for both of them. For example they didnt rely on each other as much but they still loved one another. If he wants a break give it to him let him go... i know it hurts.. if he really loves u he'll come back i promise. My best friends love each other deeply and they never had this kind of problem. So this just may be the end... but dont worry there are plenty of fish in the sea... if he comes back and just wants to be friends stay friends. Dont let him walk all over u, have pride and dont get back together with him if he is not sure. u know people only understand how much they love someone or something when they lose it. Show him he lost u,and he may be crawling back :)
im sorry to tell you but long distant relationships never work out and if u can get them to kudos to u but from experiance i would move on cuz how do u know he aint with someone else
JUst make sure he's not too afraid to tell you it's over and isn't telling you the truth. Guys can't seem to be able to just say its over, they have to do the whole, we're better off friends thing. When they really mean, I'm done. However if he really means what he said, that you need to get to know each other in person, then that is great, and wise on his part. A lot of fantasy can be built around a long distance relationship and its good to see if you are compatible in person too. What you need to ask him is to be up front with you. Tell him that you'd rather him just break up with you entirely if that is what he means to do, it'll hurt less then spending so much time with him and THEN him ending it. Make sure he's not being either a coward or trying to keep you as an option, on the back burner, without committing himself. That's just selfish. Either you are dating or you are not, there is no in between. If he still wants to spend time with you over the summer it is still dating. If he doesn't want to date, then don't spend that time with him, hard as that may be for you. It'll hurt less later.
Well, my husband is going over seas. He is in the air force and we are about to be apart for 7 months and 3 days. The things we are doing and are planning to do are stuff like... try and talk as much as possible, but when the other person wants some time, give it to them, or they will feel burdened to just talk to you and not live their life. If you really feel like talking to them, write them a letter, no matter when it is, just write to them, whether you send it to them or not, it will make you feel better. One more thing...if it is meant to be...you guys will be together.
if you love him let him go if he comes back to you its truley meant to behair cut styles myspace pics
Move on. Anyone who dumps you and says they don't feel the same towards you isn't worth keeping as a friend. He doesn't love you-- people who love don't dump the person they claim to love.Long-distance relationship...?
As the saying goes, ';If you truly love someone, let them go. If he/she returns, then you were meant to be. If he/she doesn't return, let them go - for they were never yours to begin with.'; In order to be a good couple, you must be good individuals. And if you know yourself well enough, then you'll discover that A) He's the one for you and you should just wait for him to discover that on his own, or B) You deserve better because someone that claims he loves you shouldn't have left in the first place. Good luck!
Don't do it! It is painful but if you love someone set them free if it is meant to be they will return back to me. Best of Luck.
as much as this is hurting you right now, you need to go with it and begin the healing process. the majority of long-distance relationships fail because it's just too much pressure on those involved. also, if you become more accepting %26amp; understanding, you will have a stronger likelihood of getting back together with him at some point in the future if there is any possibility of resurrecting the relationship. if you continue to resist, he may begin to resent you for not respecting him and his wishes.
if it's truly meant to be, there isn't anything in the world that can keep the two of you apart. if it isn't meant to be, why would you want to waste your time with someone that isn't meant for you?
GOOD LUCK!!!
Hmmmm...if he broke up with you last night explaining that he doesn't feel for you what he was feeling before....I really see no reason why he should come over this Summer and spend some time with you...He just dumped you because he's obviously not into you! So, why are you still there for him? Friends? Who wants to be his friend anyway!!!...Just tell him that since he left you, it's obviously over, so you'd rather call it all off (friendship included) and leave him behind for good.
If he loves you, he'll come back.
My best friend had a 9 month long distance relationship with her boyfriend he came back and everything was fine they just continued where they left off. My best friends when they were apart they gained a lot of independence. So when he came back it was different for both of them. For example they didnt rely on each other as much but they still loved one another. If he wants a break give it to him let him go... i know it hurts.. if he really loves u he'll come back i promise. My best friends love each other deeply and they never had this kind of problem. So this just may be the end... but dont worry there are plenty of fish in the sea... if he comes back and just wants to be friends stay friends. Dont let him walk all over u, have pride and dont get back together with him if he is not sure. u know people only understand how much they love someone or something when they lose it. Show him he lost u,and he may be crawling back :)
im sorry to tell you but long distant relationships never work out and if u can get them to kudos to u but from experiance i would move on cuz how do u know he aint with someone else
JUst make sure he's not too afraid to tell you it's over and isn't telling you the truth. Guys can't seem to be able to just say its over, they have to do the whole, we're better off friends thing. When they really mean, I'm done. However if he really means what he said, that you need to get to know each other in person, then that is great, and wise on his part. A lot of fantasy can be built around a long distance relationship and its good to see if you are compatible in person too. What you need to ask him is to be up front with you. Tell him that you'd rather him just break up with you entirely if that is what he means to do, it'll hurt less then spending so much time with him and THEN him ending it. Make sure he's not being either a coward or trying to keep you as an option, on the back burner, without committing himself. That's just selfish. Either you are dating or you are not, there is no in between. If he still wants to spend time with you over the summer it is still dating. If he doesn't want to date, then don't spend that time with him, hard as that may be for you. It'll hurt less later.
Well, my husband is going over seas. He is in the air force and we are about to be apart for 7 months and 3 days. The things we are doing and are planning to do are stuff like... try and talk as much as possible, but when the other person wants some time, give it to them, or they will feel burdened to just talk to you and not live their life. If you really feel like talking to them, write them a letter, no matter when it is, just write to them, whether you send it to them or not, it will make you feel better. One more thing...if it is meant to be...you guys will be together.
if you love him let him go if he comes back to you its truley meant to be
Long distance relationship?
Right now I'm in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend of 2 years and I decided that when he went to college this year, we'd stay together. He's going to be in school for Pharmacy, so after this year he has 5 more years to go. I'm going to a college three hours from his next year after I graduate, which is a little farther apart than we are now.
I know this is a hard relationship to make work because it's so long term, but we're willing to work through it. Things are fine, but I'm having a lot of trouble coping with his being gone. We talk every night and we're not having problems, but I find myself feeling really sad. He has new friends and everything to keep him occupied, but I'm left in a small neighborhood where we grew up waiting...dealing with the same old, but without him here.
Anyone who's been through this kind of experience?
Any advice on how to deal with this?
I go out with my friends and keep busy and everything, but I just don't feel as happy when he's gone.
I get really emotional a lot and pretty sensitive.
All advice I've gotten so far is to break up with him, but I can't do that. I want this to work, and it is, I just need to know how to cope emotionally.Long distance relationship?
the Loving from a Distance community would be a helpful resource for you.Long distance relationship?
Schedule regular phone calls. Send each other handwritten cards and letters and little packages a lot. Visit whenever possible. Good luck!
Answer mine?:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
I've been in a long distance relationship and it's so hard. Phone calls and texts are essential, because communication is all you've got. If possible, take turns making roadtrips to see each other on weekends. Write letters. Send pictures over the internet. Write on his Facebook wall. Send him care packages.
I wouldn't say break up with him, but you've got to get thicker skin. Know that he won't be there when you're sad or when you fight and want to physically meet and talk things out.
Try to take on a hobby, like working out, or look into joining an extracurricular activity. I joined a sorority. Even though the relationship didn't work out, I still have good friends.
Most importantly, a relationship like this takes effort. If neither of you are willing to call or visit, that's when you should consider ending it. However, you've stated that things are going good, so I see no reason to end a good thing =] Good luck honey. xoxo
I know this is a hard relationship to make work because it's so long term, but we're willing to work through it. Things are fine, but I'm having a lot of trouble coping with his being gone. We talk every night and we're not having problems, but I find myself feeling really sad. He has new friends and everything to keep him occupied, but I'm left in a small neighborhood where we grew up waiting...dealing with the same old, but without him here.
Anyone who's been through this kind of experience?
Any advice on how to deal with this?
I go out with my friends and keep busy and everything, but I just don't feel as happy when he's gone.
I get really emotional a lot and pretty sensitive.
All advice I've gotten so far is to break up with him, but I can't do that. I want this to work, and it is, I just need to know how to cope emotionally.Long distance relationship?
the Loving from a Distance community would be a helpful resource for you.Long distance relationship?
Schedule regular phone calls. Send each other handwritten cards and letters and little packages a lot. Visit whenever possible. Good luck!
Answer mine?:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
I've been in a long distance relationship and it's so hard. Phone calls and texts are essential, because communication is all you've got. If possible, take turns making roadtrips to see each other on weekends. Write letters. Send pictures over the internet. Write on his Facebook wall. Send him care packages.
I wouldn't say break up with him, but you've got to get thicker skin. Know that he won't be there when you're sad or when you fight and want to physically meet and talk things out.
Try to take on a hobby, like working out, or look into joining an extracurricular activity. I joined a sorority. Even though the relationship didn't work out, I still have good friends.
Most importantly, a relationship like this takes effort. If neither of you are willing to call or visit, that's when you should consider ending it. However, you've stated that things are going good, so I see no reason to end a good thing =] Good luck honey. xoxo
Long distance relationship worries - he feels like the one, but has a young son!?
My boyfriend Adam and I have been together for about 6 months now. We've known each other for almost a year. When we met I was with someone else (Richard) in a rather settled, boring and strain-filled 2 year relationship. I met Adam at a local open mic and loved his music (I am also a musician). Nothing happened between us, we flirted but I was taken and not looking at the time.
A few months later I ended up moving with Richard to a bigger city, in hopes of furthering my music career. I knew our relationship was on the rocks but also knew I needed to move to get away from my home town, as the music scene there was dying. Well, we fought a lot (as we were very different people) and then I ended up really getting to know Adam after we worked together on my album cover (he's a photographer). After getting settled here, I realized that I had fallen OUT of love with Richard completely, and had begun to fall IN love with Adam!
I could never cheat, and knew the time had come to leave Richard... he took it hard but it felt very right. He moved out and almost simultaneously I ended up in a long distance relationship with Adam. I couldn't believe how much we had in common, we visited each other a few times and it felt so magical! We talk/ed every night on Skype for up to 4 or 5 hours. It has moved very fast and we both have been able to open up with each other more than we ever felt possible. I am in love! Recently thought, I've began to have some fears that I find hard to bring up... he is SO in love with me and now I feel a weight on my shoulders; long distance is stressful and the pressure is mounting. What adds the extra pressure? Adam also has a 7 year old son back in my home town who lives with him 1/2 the time. I get along well with his son too, we've hung out a lot and never had a conflict - he's always happy to see me. He's still friends with his ex (who I also get along with) and works full time at a low wage job that he likes (but barely pays the bills). He's 31, I'm 25.
All in all, it's a pretty good deal. Adam is loving, open minded, shares all of my values and goals in life. I feel he enriches my life and I could see us getting married. We have talked about moving in together and it feels like a great idea... but I still don't want to move back to my home town as it would feel like a death sentence to my music career. He can't just up and move here (though he wants to) because his son's mom lives there and doesn't want to move! It's a 5 hour trip.
We are in a pickle. I feel like I need to date him normally (in the same city) to know 100% that he's the one for me. This situation makes me feel pressured and stressed out because all this back and forth is making it hard for me to have balance in my life. I feel like I lead a double life - one here as a career-driven entrepreneur striving to achieve my dreams as a recording artist (which is hard, but satisfying); and the other as a woman in love, who wants to start building a life with her mate and feel settled.
All this switching is making me dizzy and I am beginning to have doubts... how can we ever resolve this without taking a huge risk? We're both broke musician's and of course his son comes first. What if we move to the same city and things don't work out? What if we stay long distance and eventually I need to leave him because of the stress? (my mind is a constant chatter about it these days). His son is already becoming attached and it's a BIG adjustment living with a kid (I visit them about every 2 weeks for 3 days). I'm not sure I'm ready - I don't want to end this but it takes so much energy to keep up! He is totally committed to me and I know he would do whatever he can to keep us together... I just don't know what to suggest. Or how to bring up the full extent of my fears when he seems so sure. If he didn't have a son... he would just move here and I wouldn't be so worried about messing up. I feel stuck! Help help! This is driving me crazy!Long distance relationship worries - he feels like the one, but has a young son!?
Why do you ahve to decide now?
It sounds to me like you are not going to get the perfect solution to this problem now but with time, things may work out or the answer will make itself apparent to you.
I met a girl on a flight to Prague. we got on well and wanted to meet up again so we exchanged numbers. Unfortunately we lived a distance apart which was obviously an issue. We decided, however, to give it a go and spent 3 years seeing each other at weekends (if we could) and talking on the phone. We have now lived together for a year and will be getting married in early 2011.
Fortunately neither of us had any baggage to contend with unlike yourself but i don't believe that that has to get in the way in your case.
We knew after 6 months that we were not ready to give up our own lives just yet for each other as we didn't know each other well enough to make that commitment. We knew we had to be patient.
I think that you need to be patient too otherwise you are headed for disaster. You don't sound ready to give up your career just yet and if you do, unless you find anything really fulfilling to do, it could be the thing that ends up breaking you. You sound like you need fulfilment and satisfaction from your work and if you don't get that then you could end up resenting Adam because you will have given everything up for him and got nothing back. In which case you are taking a huge step backwards in terms of your career.
If you can not wait, however hard it is, then i suggest you end it. You know what you want to do with life but there are more than 5Billion people on this planet that you have not met yet. He may not actually be the one!!!!!
So
You can't have your career and commit to him now.
You can have a go at your career for a couple of years and see how things go between you and Adam over that time. You will certainly know him better by then. You can take some holidays together etc.
Or you can end it, concentrate on your career and see if someone else comes along.
Personally, i would try and be patient but failing that, you have to be true to your own dreams before anyone elses!!!
Hope it all works out well for you.Long distance relationship worries - he feels like the one, but has a young son!?
You love him yes but it seems you don't love him with his baggage. I'm in the same situation as you but i'm the one with a son. And what ex does is stay with them and i provide and help out where i can. If you don't want the mother role let his ex do it than he can visit his son whenever he wants to. But its best to ask him what decision he wants to take. Does he want to move in alone or with you. But then again love and relationships is taking the full package and accepting the person's lifestyle and how it can fit in with yours without loosing yourself.
A few months later I ended up moving with Richard to a bigger city, in hopes of furthering my music career. I knew our relationship was on the rocks but also knew I needed to move to get away from my home town, as the music scene there was dying. Well, we fought a lot (as we were very different people) and then I ended up really getting to know Adam after we worked together on my album cover (he's a photographer). After getting settled here, I realized that I had fallen OUT of love with Richard completely, and had begun to fall IN love with Adam!
I could never cheat, and knew the time had come to leave Richard... he took it hard but it felt very right. He moved out and almost simultaneously I ended up in a long distance relationship with Adam. I couldn't believe how much we had in common, we visited each other a few times and it felt so magical! We talk/ed every night on Skype for up to 4 or 5 hours. It has moved very fast and we both have been able to open up with each other more than we ever felt possible. I am in love! Recently thought, I've began to have some fears that I find hard to bring up... he is SO in love with me and now I feel a weight on my shoulders; long distance is stressful and the pressure is mounting. What adds the extra pressure? Adam also has a 7 year old son back in my home town who lives with him 1/2 the time. I get along well with his son too, we've hung out a lot and never had a conflict - he's always happy to see me. He's still friends with his ex (who I also get along with) and works full time at a low wage job that he likes (but barely pays the bills). He's 31, I'm 25.
All in all, it's a pretty good deal. Adam is loving, open minded, shares all of my values and goals in life. I feel he enriches my life and I could see us getting married. We have talked about moving in together and it feels like a great idea... but I still don't want to move back to my home town as it would feel like a death sentence to my music career. He can't just up and move here (though he wants to) because his son's mom lives there and doesn't want to move! It's a 5 hour trip.
We are in a pickle. I feel like I need to date him normally (in the same city) to know 100% that he's the one for me. This situation makes me feel pressured and stressed out because all this back and forth is making it hard for me to have balance in my life. I feel like I lead a double life - one here as a career-driven entrepreneur striving to achieve my dreams as a recording artist (which is hard, but satisfying); and the other as a woman in love, who wants to start building a life with her mate and feel settled.
All this switching is making me dizzy and I am beginning to have doubts... how can we ever resolve this without taking a huge risk? We're both broke musician's and of course his son comes first. What if we move to the same city and things don't work out? What if we stay long distance and eventually I need to leave him because of the stress? (my mind is a constant chatter about it these days). His son is already becoming attached and it's a BIG adjustment living with a kid (I visit them about every 2 weeks for 3 days). I'm not sure I'm ready - I don't want to end this but it takes so much energy to keep up! He is totally committed to me and I know he would do whatever he can to keep us together... I just don't know what to suggest. Or how to bring up the full extent of my fears when he seems so sure. If he didn't have a son... he would just move here and I wouldn't be so worried about messing up. I feel stuck! Help help! This is driving me crazy!Long distance relationship worries - he feels like the one, but has a young son!?
Why do you ahve to decide now?
It sounds to me like you are not going to get the perfect solution to this problem now but with time, things may work out or the answer will make itself apparent to you.
I met a girl on a flight to Prague. we got on well and wanted to meet up again so we exchanged numbers. Unfortunately we lived a distance apart which was obviously an issue. We decided, however, to give it a go and spent 3 years seeing each other at weekends (if we could) and talking on the phone. We have now lived together for a year and will be getting married in early 2011.
Fortunately neither of us had any baggage to contend with unlike yourself but i don't believe that that has to get in the way in your case.
We knew after 6 months that we were not ready to give up our own lives just yet for each other as we didn't know each other well enough to make that commitment. We knew we had to be patient.
I think that you need to be patient too otherwise you are headed for disaster. You don't sound ready to give up your career just yet and if you do, unless you find anything really fulfilling to do, it could be the thing that ends up breaking you. You sound like you need fulfilment and satisfaction from your work and if you don't get that then you could end up resenting Adam because you will have given everything up for him and got nothing back. In which case you are taking a huge step backwards in terms of your career.
If you can not wait, however hard it is, then i suggest you end it. You know what you want to do with life but there are more than 5Billion people on this planet that you have not met yet. He may not actually be the one!!!!!
So
You can't have your career and commit to him now.
You can have a go at your career for a couple of years and see how things go between you and Adam over that time. You will certainly know him better by then. You can take some holidays together etc.
Or you can end it, concentrate on your career and see if someone else comes along.
Personally, i would try and be patient but failing that, you have to be true to your own dreams before anyone elses!!!
Hope it all works out well for you.Long distance relationship worries - he feels like the one, but has a young son!?
You love him yes but it seems you don't love him with his baggage. I'm in the same situation as you but i'm the one with a son. And what ex does is stay with them and i provide and help out where i can. If you don't want the mother role let his ex do it than he can visit his son whenever he wants to. But its best to ask him what decision he wants to take. Does he want to move in alone or with you. But then again love and relationships is taking the full package and accepting the person's lifestyle and how it can fit in with yours without loosing yourself.
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