Is long-distance relationship between unmarried woman and man unlawful? If not, how is nikah possible?

Wassalaamualaikum wa rahmatulla :)


I am a new convert to Islam (Alhamdulillah), and don't know how to deal with this relationship in my life. This is the story:


-I was a modern western girl


-I met a modern 'Muslim' young man


-We developed an intimate relationship, NOT ONLY sexual


-I moved overseas to study, continuing the long-distance relationship


-I lstudied and researched about Islam, finally converted on my own, my family don't know yet


-Now I'm not sure what to do about our 'almost husband-wife realationship', since affairs are unlawful in Islam


Can someone understanding and aware of Islam please help...


ps. I've heard about nikah over the fone...is that possible?


Please no mean comments.


ThanksIs long-distance relationship between unmarried woman and man unlawful? If not, how is nikah possible?
Hi,





People are so judgemental!





Sister, please talk to your friend over phone and tell him now that you have accepted Islam, you feel bad about physical relationship between the two of you.





Tell him you want to correct that by marrying him. Get his feedback.





Tell your parents that you have converted. Guage their reaction.





If you are so independent, parents should be no problem. Your man's reaction might be problematic though.





If your man accepts your proposal and says that he won't take it against you whatever happened between you two before, then marry him.





Marriage over phone is acceptable, but be sure to tell both families that this has happened.





Also be sure to go to him or call him to you for a few days for sonsummating the bond of marriage.





And then forget the past.Is long-distance relationship between unmarried woman and man unlawful? If not, how is nikah possible?
You can go to a Mosque and get married that way. It's haraam for men and women to talk with each other, interact with each other or mingle with each other outside of blood relationships or marriage relationships. I think marriage is not valid over the phone. You need a dowry, Wali, two male witnesses, and the Imam there to write and sign the marriage certificate. Your father does not qualify for Wali for you since he is Kaafur.
I honestly don't get why he had a ';sexual relationship'; with you if he was a true muslim. Ummm stop sounding so desperate and tell him straight up that you're a muslimah now and that you two are supposed to get married now, he should figure something out too. :-) Congrats n welcome to Islam :-)
There is no point in nikah over the phone or nikah in general if your not going to be living with the guy. I think you should concentrate on your studys and forget about this guy. Your relation is not permissible. Unless he wants to come there and marry you, forget about it.
1st of all u cant have sex if u r unmarried in islam.its considered adultery.this young muslim guy is modern alright he is bad muslim very bad one no offence cuz a muslim man knows u r not allowed to have sex till u r married.i sorry but if this is mean but it is the truth
hello


i am a muslim too.


well, you can not have a physical relationship until you are married.


You can not even hold hands.


But otherwise there is nothing worng with having a relationship as in loving someone or choosing a guy to marry!
Nikah is urgent but it should not be done on phone. In Islam there are many rules of nikah and you must see those all try it search on Google.
It's not permissible to perform Nikah over the phone.





What you can do is Nikah through agency:





The Solution





The solution to the situation where both parties are in different counties and would like their marriage contracted is through agency (wakala). The jurists (fuqaha) of the Hanafi School state that both the woman and man may appoint agents to conduct their marriage on their behalf.





Shaykh Muhammad Qudri Basha states in his al-Akham al-Shar'iyya fi al-Ahwal al-Shakhsiyya:





Item 57: ';It is permitted for a man or woman to marry themselves off, or to make another their agent (wakeel), whomsoever they wish, as long as they are free, sane, adults...';





And:





Item 58: ';It is valid to make another one's agent (wakeel) for marriage verbally or in writing. It is not a condition that this transfer of agency be witnessed over in order for it to be valid, rather [it is recommended] lest there be denial or dispute.'; (al-Akham al-Shar'iyya fi al-Ahwal al-Shakhsiyya with footnotes by Yusuf ibn Muhammad al-Hajj Ahmad, P: 35)





As such, if Zayd wants to marry Fatima without both of them being present in one place, Fatima (who is in the US, for example) may authorize a relative or friend living in the UK over the phone to contract her marriage with Zayd and pronounce offer or acceptance on her behalf. If, for example, she selects her uncle Amr to be her agent, then Amr at the time of the marriage ceremony in the presence of the witnesses will say, ';I being the agent of Fatima daughter of such and such person have given her in the marriage of Zayd with X amount of dowry. At this point, Zayd will say, ';I have accepted Fatima in my marriage in the presence of these witnesses';. With this, the marriage will be considered as valid.





It should be noted that any one of the two parties may appoint an agent. It is permitted to have an agent on behalf of the woman with the man himself being present, or the agent on behalf of the man and the woman herself being present. It is also permitted that both parties have agents conducting their marriage; hence, both agents will pronounce the offer and acceptance of behalf of the man and woman. The strict condition is that the offer, acceptance and witnesses must all be in one place, whether the man and woman are both physically present making these pronouncements or they appoint agents to make the pronouncements on their behalf. (See: al-Ikhtiyar li ta'lil al-Mukhtar, 2/121)





And Allah knows best
i hear all these people talking about getting married over the phone is haram were is ur proof from Quran and sunnah as long as y=ur a witness its a marriage blind people can be a witness all they can do is here
Net relationships are for desperate weak people.





If u are a true Muslims u wud cut off all ties with this man.





Am also a Muslim Revert and i have never used an excuse for something like saying ooh i was a western Woman, etc, thats being hypocrite.





If you are strong secure and righteous and a Muslim you wud not be in a this so called relationship.





Islam says u cannot have a realationship before marriage, simple as, why you think in the Islamic world and Muslims as a whole have less rape, less adultery, less sex before marriae (98% of Muslims never had sex before marriage), less hiv/aids, less single Mothers, less degrading etc then the Western World? because Muslims respect their faith, they are strong willed, they are righteous, faith %26amp; family come before any partner, facts dont lie, reality doesnt lie, human nature doesnt lie.





We choose to do the things we do, we choose to feel the way we do, if this so called Muslim Man is a practacing good Muslim then he wud say himself either forget it or get married in person, simple as.





By saying we only havent had sexual relationships is like saying u had and thats a DISGRACE, degrading, shame, direspectful, embarassing, shows people like u cant control urself, are very weak, why u think people like this always end up alone rejected in society and life, if u was a true Muslim u wud go to Umra o%26amp; Hajj to ask forgivness for ur sins, this might sound harsh but its true, its not impossible to be strong.





It seemsu might have converted to Islam for the wrong reasons, maybe u feel guilty about something, maybe ur so called man is a Muslim and u do it to make him happy, (thats pathetic %26amp; insult to Islam, for weak insecure unattractive people), maybe u still feel western, but seems u aint a true Muslim otherwise u wud not be in this situation.





I knoe 4 women who had simmilar relationships as u but converted to Islam and told their guys to go or marry them and be Muslims, 3 of the guys never did this and the women rejected them and now the Sisters are married to good devout rightoues practacing Muslim blokes who are intelligent , nice slim tall good looking and wealthy and are happy, u see the something? that Allah Subanatallah guides one who help themselves, u have to do what is morally and principly right, if u had sexual relations before marriage then this so called Muslim man is NOT Muslim, he wud not have had any sexual relation with u, he wud be strong and respectable, and ur saying he is a good muslim man? pathetic and hypocrties, u ppl use Islam as an excuse to feel better, u feel guilty deep down yet still choose wrong degrading path.





If ur true Muslim u wud go to Hajj because not being a virgin in marriage isa DISGRACE, IMMORAL, SHAMEFUL, EMBARASSING AND INSULT TO ISLAM, thats y ppl like u end up alone in life, am not saying ur unattractive because i know people say slim tall pretty fair skinned Muslims seem to be righteous good Muslims but anyone can be a good Muslim, u shud ask forgivness.





Ur asking if u can do Nikah on phone? lol, are u dumb or something, u ask this here ? u can easily go to Islamic site and find out, u shud know this, u might be new convert but many new converts know basics and are good righteous respesctable Muslims.





If you can't get married then cut off this relationship, its simple as that, dont be weak and degrading and desperate otherwise u will realise u will be alone and sad, mark my words.





Peace.





Peace.
Sister Asalam alaikum warahmatulla





sister plz contact as soon as possaible to your nearest Isalmic center and put your question!


but my advice is plz get marriage(Nikha) as soon as posssable thats our request,





Marriage in Islam is a partnership. This partnership has two founding members, a man and a woman. This partnership has a constitution with a predetermined set of provisions. Its basis is one of love and affection, and its details encompass all aspects of family life.





Islam encourages everyone who is able to establish this partnership to hurry and do so. Islam promises us divine assistance and providence if we follow the provisions of Islam.





Marriage is the basis upon which the family is established. A man and woman form this important social institution together. Islam emphasizes that this relationship between the man and the woman should be based on affection and mercy. Allah says: “Among His signs is that he created for you wives from among yourselves that you may find comfort in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy.”





An important purpose of marriage in Islam is to take comfort in companionship and to bring about happiness. Allah says: “It is He who created you from a single person and then created from him his wife so he might take comfort in living with her.”





Allah also says: “They are garments for you and you are garments for them.”





Marriage, in Islam is established on the basis of mutual consent and free choice. Allah says: “Do not prevent them from marrying their former husbands if they mutually agree on a reasonable basis.”





Allah also says: “Do not retain them to harm them. Whoever does that has wronged himself.”





And: “O you who believe, it is not lawful for you to inherit women against their will.”





The management of family affairs and decision-making within the family are accomplished in Islam through mutual consultation and shared responsibility. Allah says: “Let each of you accept the advice of the other in a just way.”





One particular family issue where we find that the Qur’ân calls to mutual consultation and consent is the question of when a nursing child should be weaned.





Allah says: “If they both decide on weaning by mutual consent and consultation, there is no sin on them.”











The marriage must take place in the presence of the woman’s guardian, among witnesses, and it should be in a correct form for a marriage contract.





The husband may decide not to announce his marriage to his relatives or his family and others. If the pillars of marriage were fulfilled, then it is a lawful marriage, even if it is not pubicly announced as people normally do. The acknowledgement of this marriage by the witnesses is enough.





However, it should never be thought that a marriage could take place without a guardian and witnesses, which is adultery and not marriage.





And Allah knows best.
Assalamualaikum,





So I read what delicious.. wrote and i can see that this individual is truly upset about the circumstances present. Although her points relating to islam are true, the insults unfortunately I believe come from someone who is proud to be muslim and does not like the situation you are in.


Islam is about forgiveness, peace and kindess. I must be honest, I do not trust this man, for a practicing muslim would not give in to physical desires. I believe the test of physical wants is one of the biggest and most difficult to pass. You must fight your nufs, or self. When one marries, it is not for yourself, but it is for Allah (swt). Actually, if you are a convert, then you must know enough about Islam to know that it is religion that is your way of life. Everything you do relates to pleasing Allah (swt). This goes the same for marriage. You fulfill half of your deen by marriage, and you do it not out of lust or this modern sense of ';love'; but for companionship. Lust does not last. Everything that Allah (swt) asks you to do is for your own good. He does not ask you to withold from relationships before marriage just because. If there IS a relationship, there is a much greater possibility that it will result in physical desire or wants, and as is obvious, the mind is more susceptible to impure thoughts.


Now being a ';modern muslim'; does not mean you change your ways to fit the ';modern'; world. Allah (swt) is all knowing, and of course would be aware that a time would come that everyone is not riding camels or wearing traditional clothing. But if you have read the Qur'an, you would know that the guidance that you recieve from it is eternal. No matter what circumstances you are in, the guidance still applies and for your own good. What good does an individual wearing hijab do for Allah (swt)? Nothing at all! Allah (swt) does not need us, but we need Him, in order to follow the straight path, and thus recieve contentment! He tells women to cover themselves and be modest to protect us, so we are not annoyed, so we do not face problems where men are attracted to us because of our bodies or our beauty. We will thus recieve respect because of our modesty and our knowledge. Mankind is prone to weakness, and all of our guidance is for our own benefit.


It appears to me that this whole nikkah business is happening for cultural reasons on the man's part. You can not marry as Muslims if you are not Muslims. Being a Muslim is being a practicing Muslim. You must ask for forgiveness, and Allah (swt) knows best. Why do you need to get married over the phone? Are you not willing to see him for something as important and life-changing as marriage? Is he not willing? I can hardly believe that his family will be willing for you 2 to marry either. Remember, you must respect your parents, and keep friendly relations. You obey them unless they tell you to do something against Islam. I am aware that your parents are not muslims, therefore they probably will not want you to marry a muslim, but in Islam as a woman you must marry a muslim. I am not saying oh you're gonna go to hell because of what you have done blah blah blah I am in no positon to say this only God knows, but this relationship does not seem to be taking place for the right intentions. I say wait to make sure you are both practicing and even following Islam for the right reasons. Is he a muslim because his parents are, or does he truly submit to Allah (swt)? Are you a convert because your relation is, or because you wish to surrender to Allah (swt)? Talk to an imam, and read more about islam and the purpose of marriage before you proceed.





Wait and see if this relationship can last, for companionship and not physical intimacy. Make sure your intentions are for Allah (swt) and not for yourself. This is my advice, I hope it has been a little bit helpful, and just pray and make dua, for Allah (swt) always listens. Peace.