Long distance relationship worries - he feels like the one, but has a young son!?

My boyfriend Adam and I have been together for about 6 months now. We've known each other for almost a year. When we met I was with someone else (Richard) in a rather settled, boring and strain-filled 2 year relationship. I met Adam at a local open mic and loved his music (I am also a musician). Nothing happened between us, we flirted but I was taken and not looking at the time.





A few months later I ended up moving with Richard to a bigger city, in hopes of furthering my music career. I knew our relationship was on the rocks but also knew I needed to move to get away from my home town, as the music scene there was dying. Well, we fought a lot (as we were very different people) and then I ended up really getting to know Adam after we worked together on my album cover (he's a photographer). After getting settled here, I realized that I had fallen OUT of love with Richard completely, and had begun to fall IN love with Adam!





I could never cheat, and knew the time had come to leave Richard... he took it hard but it felt very right. He moved out and almost simultaneously I ended up in a long distance relationship with Adam. I couldn't believe how much we had in common, we visited each other a few times and it felt so magical! We talk/ed every night on Skype for up to 4 or 5 hours. It has moved very fast and we both have been able to open up with each other more than we ever felt possible. I am in love! Recently thought, I've began to have some fears that I find hard to bring up... he is SO in love with me and now I feel a weight on my shoulders; long distance is stressful and the pressure is mounting. What adds the extra pressure? Adam also has a 7 year old son back in my home town who lives with him 1/2 the time. I get along well with his son too, we've hung out a lot and never had a conflict - he's always happy to see me. He's still friends with his ex (who I also get along with) and works full time at a low wage job that he likes (but barely pays the bills). He's 31, I'm 25.





All in all, it's a pretty good deal. Adam is loving, open minded, shares all of my values and goals in life. I feel he enriches my life and I could see us getting married. We have talked about moving in together and it feels like a great idea... but I still don't want to move back to my home town as it would feel like a death sentence to my music career. He can't just up and move here (though he wants to) because his son's mom lives there and doesn't want to move! It's a 5 hour trip.





We are in a pickle. I feel like I need to date him normally (in the same city) to know 100% that he's the one for me. This situation makes me feel pressured and stressed out because all this back and forth is making it hard for me to have balance in my life. I feel like I lead a double life - one here as a career-driven entrepreneur striving to achieve my dreams as a recording artist (which is hard, but satisfying); and the other as a woman in love, who wants to start building a life with her mate and feel settled.





All this switching is making me dizzy and I am beginning to have doubts... how can we ever resolve this without taking a huge risk? We're both broke musician's and of course his son comes first. What if we move to the same city and things don't work out? What if we stay long distance and eventually I need to leave him because of the stress? (my mind is a constant chatter about it these days). His son is already becoming attached and it's a BIG adjustment living with a kid (I visit them about every 2 weeks for 3 days). I'm not sure I'm ready - I don't want to end this but it takes so much energy to keep up! He is totally committed to me and I know he would do whatever he can to keep us together... I just don't know what to suggest. Or how to bring up the full extent of my fears when he seems so sure. If he didn't have a son... he would just move here and I wouldn't be so worried about messing up. I feel stuck! Help help! This is driving me crazy!Long distance relationship worries - he feels like the one, but has a young son!?
Why do you ahve to decide now?





It sounds to me like you are not going to get the perfect solution to this problem now but with time, things may work out or the answer will make itself apparent to you.





I met a girl on a flight to Prague. we got on well and wanted to meet up again so we exchanged numbers. Unfortunately we lived a distance apart which was obviously an issue. We decided, however, to give it a go and spent 3 years seeing each other at weekends (if we could) and talking on the phone. We have now lived together for a year and will be getting married in early 2011.


Fortunately neither of us had any baggage to contend with unlike yourself but i don't believe that that has to get in the way in your case.





We knew after 6 months that we were not ready to give up our own lives just yet for each other as we didn't know each other well enough to make that commitment. We knew we had to be patient.


I think that you need to be patient too otherwise you are headed for disaster. You don't sound ready to give up your career just yet and if you do, unless you find anything really fulfilling to do, it could be the thing that ends up breaking you. You sound like you need fulfilment and satisfaction from your work and if you don't get that then you could end up resenting Adam because you will have given everything up for him and got nothing back. In which case you are taking a huge step backwards in terms of your career.





If you can not wait, however hard it is, then i suggest you end it. You know what you want to do with life but there are more than 5Billion people on this planet that you have not met yet. He may not actually be the one!!!!!





So





You can't have your career and commit to him now.


You can have a go at your career for a couple of years and see how things go between you and Adam over that time. You will certainly know him better by then. You can take some holidays together etc.


Or you can end it, concentrate on your career and see if someone else comes along.





Personally, i would try and be patient but failing that, you have to be true to your own dreams before anyone elses!!!





Hope it all works out well for you.Long distance relationship worries - he feels like the one, but has a young son!?
You love him yes but it seems you don't love him with his baggage. I'm in the same situation as you but i'm the one with a son. And what ex does is stay with them and i provide and help out where i can. If you don't want the mother role let his ex do it than he can visit his son whenever he wants to. But its best to ask him what decision he wants to take. Does he want to move in alone or with you. But then again love and relationships is taking the full package and accepting the person's lifestyle and how it can fit in with yours without loosing yourself.